I just watched a sex and the city episode and they were talking about break-ups (O.K. standard sex and the city angst) and one of them said the only to get over a breakup is to go out get drunk, cry to your girlfriends and get back in the game! I think that's true, after you break up with some one all your friends expect you to cry, drink to much and go home with inappropriate men. In fact they are right there to hold your hair when you drank too much and are puking over the nearest toilet, they hug you endlessly and tell you that you will meet someone better (whether you are sober or completely drunk).... oh and they will set you up or point you at anyone they think will make you feel better.
well I i am wondering why something so much more important than a break up (but trust me I know how bad those are) causes these same friends to run when I start to cry (if I have had a beer they assume I am drunk if I haven't it must be hormones or they left the water running the kitchen etc.). They can't sit and listen to me cry about how scared I am about the double mastectomy and having no nipples.
The same friends that would listen to me cry for hours about how much I loved him (whichever him broke my heart) and how I would never find anyone else now run away at the first sign of a tear drop.
I can't even manage to get out a full blown cry, you know those earth shattering cries that you have on your friends shoulder after you broke up with the perfect man (even though he was a jerk anyway), the cries that actually stop eventually by them selves unlike the ones I have to stop now because if I don't all of a sudden the dog will be hungry, the cat will need it's nails clipped, there is a dandelion in the front yard or some other emergency that has to be taken care of immediately .
Forget holding my hair back while I throw up! I can't even get them to talk about what it's going to be like when I lose all my hair. I have questions, like should I buy a wig or just get some scarves. I sew so I thought maybe we (at this point any of my friends will do, just one to help me through a part of this) could go to the fabric store and pick up fabrics and play around with different looks or maybe go get me a wig in a totally different color than my natural one ( I am a blond and I was thinking maybe red, bright red not a subtle strawberry blond or even maybe jet black) but as soon as that comes up they either cry (they are allowed to cry) or remember that the azaleas need to be watered. I will admit I have one friend that makes me laugh when we talk about wig shopping and I have another friend that I think would let me cry it all out over and over again endlessly if I needed to but I just recently met her online through a parrot site (we have African grey's and teddy bears among other things in common lol) but I can't do that to her! she has problems of her own and although she is great to me, We are way across the country from each other and honestly I want those endless hugs (which I am SURE she would be fine with if we it weren't for geography) that I used to get for breaking up with some jerk, maybe I could tell them I was breaking up with my boobs and then they could handle it lol!
As far as pointing you to the next thing that might make you feel better, I can't even get an opinion on tattoos ( I am thinking about getting a tattoo or two to cover the scars) because if they do nipple reconstruction it's just a tattoo anyway but once again I get no help. If I show them pictures they all say it's up to me! Where did my friends go that would all argue about what tattoo would look best on me?
I want the friends back that let me cry, held my hair back, had opinions on what color I should die my hair and what kind of style I should wear it in not to mention whether or not I should get a tattoo, I wish I knew where they went.
Hi there! Your friends are scared, plain and simple. They SHOULD be there for you, but they can't, as they are picturing themselves in the spot you're in, and the are scared. They also don't know what to say to you - what might make you upset, what not, etc. Best advice? Figure out for yourself what you are willing to talk about, what your limits are, etc. Sit these friends down and say to them, truthfully, "I need you. This is the time of my life where I seriously need you". Explain to them that you are the same person, and this cancer might be new and foreign, but it IS happening to you, and you need your friends there to support you, instead of worrying about the wrong thing to say. How are you doing? How far in your treatments are you? I wish you well. Stop by my blog if you want to, and if you ever have a question, let me know. I've been through this, and will be going through it for my lifetime, and it's so much of a part of me that there are no problems with talking about it for me!
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