Have you noticed that the the closer you get to the big day (mastectomy) all the friends that you were sure were going to be right by your side suddenly can't be there that day? I understand life goes on whether I am having my boobs removed or not. The world doesn't revolve around me and I am not sure I want them there at all but the fact they can't be there hurts me a lot.
I thought that my husband might go with me this weekend since he is off for a few days around that time and I figured we could drive half way and stay at my friends house for the night and finish the drive the next day (it's only a nine hour trip total) but apparently that is too much for him to do.
I think he might be frightened too but it comes across as if he doesn't care at all, I wish he would either tell me he is scared or he doesn't care. I think it would be so much better to know.
it can be so easy for everyone to patronize me and tell me I am going to be ok but I don't need that right now, in fact in the next few weeks I hope to give you some great information about how to never end up in my position and what to do if you get here (let's hope you never do)
and the closer it comes to the day the harder it is to sleep, I can't stop thinking about the surgery
and how my friends are going to treat me when I have no boobs and no hair and no eyebrows? Actually I wonder how I am going to treat myself, wow now that's a big question! Am I going to make my self invisible, will I hide from the world , or will I be a warrior , I have been reading a blog that makes me think I might have that kind of strength.or maybe we can give each each other strength,
love and hope to all
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